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The 2am wake up calls. Lack of sleep due to alcohol.

Updated: Jan 13



No sleep possible

It’s just after 2am and I am jolted awake, my heart is pounding and my mouth is dry. My eyes ping open and adjust to the darkness as I stare at the ceiling, trying desperately to think straight.


What did I do last night? How bad did I get this time? My blood runs cold and my pounding heart lurches as I scrabble for my phone.


First I check social media. Grimacing at a picture I do not remember adding, I quickly delete it. In the image my eyes are vacant and my smile is false. I have likely taken it myself and posted it, thinking I look okay. At least in this one I am smiling… But I look completely wasted. Only seven likes are on the late night post, so I think I can get away with deleting it without anyone noticing. I do so, hoping nobody too close to me liked the post, hoping nobody mentions it at work in the morning.


Next I urgently check WhatsApp messages, then Messenger messages. Slack too, just in case. Thankfully, nothing is there, but this is indeed a rarity. I guess I must have passed out before being able to text someone I shouldn’t be texting, or worse.


Returning the phone to my bedside cabinet I slump back into my bed and stare at the ceiling again, deep in thought.


“Why do I keep doing this to myself?” I ask myself, silently. “Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.” Then I think the same thing I think every night… “I must not drink tomorrow. I will not drink tomorrow. I’ll pour anything left down the sink!” There is rarely anything left to pour out, though.


Now resolute, satisfied I have undone any potentially embarrassing damage, I drift back into a dreamless non-sleep until the alarm wakes me for work.


This was me, every single night.


Day in, day out. I wanted to stop, I wanted to not drink, but as the day wore on and the evening approached, I would drive to the shops for another bottle of red wine. Or, for really stressful days, expensive designer gin and a crate of light tonics. Sod it, I deserve it, I work hard, I’d tell myself.


And now I am free. Blissfully, deliciously free, and so, so happy.


I drink as much as I like now. I simply do not want to drink alcohol. No willpower required, no wishing I could want a drink, no missing out.


And now when I remember those mornings at 2am, I do not miss them at all. In fact, I am over the moon that they are behind me. I sleep so well, I look forward to going to bed. I no longer suffer a lack of sleep due to alcohol. My life is so much better now.


Amanda

TNMI Certified Coach


Sleep better without alcohol

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